Looking back at my life, I can honestly say I have made a whole host of poor choices.  Sometimes I am embarrassed when I consider the foolish decisions I made.  I am a product of my upbringing though.  I was raised in a dysfunctional home and it took years to overcome the damage done.  Besides that, there is a culture to an unbelieving family.  Christians were relieved when I converted.  However, there was very little effort to disciple me.  Because I came from a hardcore pagan family, I desperately needed discipleship.  I can’t begrudge the fact that I had no clue how to live out a Christian worldview.  It was God’s sovereign plan for me to lead the life I did.  I learned a lot.  I learned it…the hard way.  It ain’t very pretty.  But what I did learn should give me PhD qualifications on making mistakes and poor choices.

Perhaps, that is why I am so melodramatic when I see the young people around me making poor life choices.  I get entirely worked up over young adults and families who harbor bitterness, encourage schisms in families or look for love in all the wrong places.

Despite a life marked with poor choices, I can assure you I have made many choices I do not regret.  The best decision I ever made was in the fall of 1997 when I gave my life completely to Christ.  Please understand, it was God who woke me up.  He opened my eyes and helped me to see clearly the dead and decaying carcass I was.  When I saw my depravity, I was shocked and horrified at all I had been.  While viewing my sins, He simultaneously  gave me the ability to see His marvelous grace.  It was irresistible.  I am ever so thankful He called me out of darkness into His marvelous light. Prior to that, I was living with one foot in Christendom and the other in the world.  I then experienced a domino effect.  Giving my life completely to Christ meant I gave up my career, began home schooling and devoted time to helping my children’s father with his dream to farm.  Despite the tragic turn of events in my marriage, I do not regret having the children, home schooling or learning to milk cows.   There is a great deal of pain in my past.   But, God helps us transform tribulation into character building opportunities.  With the amount of struggles I faced in life, I affirm I am quite the character.  Basically, I appreciate certain aspects of the children’s father and how he influenced me.

Setting all these great choices aside, there is one choice I made one year ago today.  It has forever changed my life.  Through this decision, my life and that of my children’s has greatly improved.  A year ago, I married a terrific man.  It is such a joy to have a godly companion who is tender and lives with me in an understanding way.  He regularly washes me in the word.  Over the last year, I remember waking in the night more than once and hearing my husband praying for me as he stroked my hair.  Our home is filled with authentic joy!!!  No more striving to turn lemons into lemonade.

As I reflect on our new marriage, I  review vignettes  in my mind.  Some of my favorite memories include seeing my husband play kickball and soft ball with the children.  I will never forget the children’s laughter as they played with their new Daddy.  Course, there were quiet moments with sudden outbursts.  When the children played checkers or chess with Daddy and then beat him, there was a sudden outburst of “Oh man!! Can you believe it? The twins beat me“.

It was not uncommon to gather in the living room at the day’s end.  My husband bought all the children bibles.  He has a family bible too.  Each child would open up the Book  and we would take turns reading the word.  After that we sang a variety of songs including ones he composed.  Sometimes, we would read from a book from his theological library.  We completed five of Richard Belcher’s books in the “Journey  in Grace” series.  The book’s gripping plot made it hard for all of us to stop reading.  With the peace in our home, the children advanced rapidly in their home schooling. All the children began reading save the youngest.  The older four children completed a Saxon Math program in three months, cover to cover and then started on another book for the summer.  With the love, encouragement and affirmation from their new Daddy, they are thriving.

Another great memory is when my husband recorded a improvisation on his electric keyboard.  He extended a hand to me and we began to dance.  I love looking into his eyes.  In his eyes, I find comfort, reassurance, and pure joy.  We were so absorbed in each other, it took us a few minutes before we saw it.  Each of the children partnered up and were dancing with us.

Learning to sing with my husband brought me great fulfillment.  After two semesters of voice lessons, I began singing with him more and more.  We once competed in a talent show.  Moments before, I panicked sharing how I never liked competition.  I told him I was a newbie and had no business on stage in front of an audience.  He responded by holding my hand and praying with me. It was just the right encouragement.  We placed first singing a song he wrote after his little boy passed away.  Though I am still a little stage shy, I do enjoy sharing his love for the music ministry.  Our first duet was at our wedding.  Since then, we have preformed together  in a variety of settings.  With his love and support, I overcame my stage fright long enough and sang “Mary, Did You Know” for a Christmas special.

A dream came true two and half months after we were married.  We moved to the family farm.  A farm that has been in the family for around 100 years.  The move while exhausting  demonstrated that God knew the desires of our heart and gave us more than we could ask for or imagine.  No matter what task was before me, whether it was unpacking boxes, cleaning up debris from active children, schooling the children, or providing meals, my husband was there for me this past year encouraging me every step of the way.  He praised me when I didn’t deserve it.  He told me he believed in me when I struggled to get it all done.  When we encountered heartache or stress, he was quick to wrap his arms around me holding me close while he called out to our heavenly father to help us.

We have celebrated much this past year.  We celebrated the children’s birthdays, the move to the farm, the completion of the children’s school goals, big fish caught from the pond, our purchases of draft horses, and recently the harvest from our garden.  We celebrate even when no event warrants it.  We can do so, because we know heartache and are thankful for what God has done.

After walking through the deep waters, I learned God does not abandon us.  He tenderly leads those with young to a better land.  God transformed my mistakes into experiences which taught me more about His sovereignty.  Despite my lifetime of mistakes, God in His great mercy and love, gave the children and I a second chance.    On this day, I have much to be thankful for.  I affirm that God does restore what seems wasted.  He gives us reason to rejoice and praise His name.  Read Joel 2:25 and following with me and praise the name of God, our redeemer and restorer.

25I will restore to you the years
that the swarming locust has eaten,
the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter,
my great army, which I sent among you.

²⁶ “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied,
and praise the name of the LORD your God,
who has dealt wondrously with you.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.

²⁷ You shall know that I am in the midst of Israel,
and that I am the LORD your God and there is none else.
And my people shall never again be put to shame.

Udderly His,

The Kansas Milkmaid