My husband told me to go wait in the car.  We were at church and the services just ended.  I didn’t know what was going on.  But, by his demeanor, I knew it was serious and that now was not the time to ask.  I took the children to the car.  It was nearly dark.  Bored and desperate to pass time, I pulled out my laptop.  With a few strokes of the key pad, I was connected and chatting with a precious friend of mine from North Carolina. I was engrossed in our conversation.

Fifteen minutes later, my husband peered into the vehicle startling me.  “Chrissy, would you mind if I stayed a little longer?  Aaron….”  he paused a moment trying to maintain composure.  “Aaron, just got a call at the end of services tonight.  His one year old granddaughter  who lives in California just drowned.  They found her under the water motionless.  They rushed her to the hospital, but there is not a lot of hope.  I would like to be with Aaron right now. “  He paused again.  I could see the tears pooling in his eyes.  “I thought I could be there for him, since I know what it is like to lose a child”.

I encouraged him to take all the time he needed.  He did not need to explain.  I repeated 2 Corinthians 1:3-4  mentally “Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,  the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all of our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

I quickly notified online prayer warriors to pray for this family.  My husband finally returned .  We headed for home.  He recounted the details of the drowning with great emotion.  As he shared the story, I knew he was reliving the loss of his own child.  I caressed his hair and wept with him.  Losing a child or a grandchild is a hard cross to carry.  My husband chose to embrace his loss. Though it is painful,  he feels he understands God’s love for us more, because God also lost His son.  His only son.   We drove home in silence that night.

Within 48 hours, this story took an amazing turn.  After Chloe, the baby, arrived at the hospital. The doctors pumped her lungs and were able to revive her.  Excitement soared as we learned the news.  Our new prayer was that Chloe would not have brain damage or  contract a lung infection.  We offered steadfast prayers.

That was a year ago.  Today, I met Chloe. The family came from California to visit Grandpa Aaron. I watched her Grandpa bring her to the front before the congregation.  (Please note:  This is not a charismatic church.  But God returns life to those He chooses sometimes without full understanding or explanation by the medical community and everyone should give glory where glory is due.).  Aaron shared the story of her drowning as he held her on hip.  Chloe just turned two.  While he was talking, Chloe called out to a relative sitting in the back of the church.  It was clear God, our AMAZING God, answered all of our prayers fully and completely.  This time it was me fighting back the tears as I looked at this precious little girl.  There are many times when God sovereignly ordains for children to reach for the arms of Jesus instead of their parent’s arms.  That is, God takes them home to heaven with Him.  The parents go home to view and empty crib or bed.  They live with life long pain.   In this case, God ordained that Chloe should live.  Why Chloe and not my husband’s son?  Why Chloe and not the  babies I carried in my womb? Why Chloe and not my friend’s twin daughter?  Why Chloe and not my friend’s newborn son?   There are some things that will remain a mystery.  But, let me tell you this.  When Chloe was revived, God opened her Daddy’s eyes.  For the first time in his life, he saw the depravity of his soul and simultaneously saw the grace and mercy of God.  He became a Christian.  Chloe’s Uncle had the same life transforming experience.  I don’t know all of the why’s but it is clear that God changed lives in this situation.  The challenge for those of us who have lost children is to embrace that loss.  God blessed us with tribulation for our own good and for His glory.  We may not have all the answers.  But, we can be certain God lives, moves, and breathes.  He is active in the affairs of men.  The Lord gives, the Lord takes away.  Blessed be the name of the Lord!!

Udderly His,

The Kansas Milkmaid